I’ve been surprised over the years at the number of people who live their lives through what others want, need and expect from them, not to speak of what they think someone wants, needs or expects. They feel an innate obligation to do for others in a way that ends up stealing their own happiness. There is certainly nothing wrong with caring for and helping others out, but it has to be on your terms ~ on how it is going to make you feel at the time. It has to come from your Inner Life, not from the expectations of your outer life.
The common response as to why people do this is because somewhere inside them they feel it is the “right” thing to do for whatever reason. But I have to ask, who is it right for? Is it right for you if it causes you to feel any type of negative emotion particularly resentment or anger? Is it right for the other person when it creates a dependency on you and hinders their growth to take responsibility for their own happiness and well-being?
The feelings of it being the right thing to do, your responsibility or obligation all come from a place of fear. Fear that if you don’t do what someone wants, needs or expects from you, something bad will happen to them. However, you are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness or well-being. If something “bad” happens it is purely because of what they are attracting into their lives which has nothing at all to do with you.
When we live through our Inner Life it produces genuine love, kindness and positive energy. It is through this love, kindness and positive energy you will always know what is best for you. There will never be doubt in the taking care of or guilt in the not taking care of another. You will give and help lovingly because it comes from a place of love versus guilt, obligation or fear.
In reality, this is not about anyone but you. It is only about taking care of yourself first and how you feel. When you feel good you are in tune with your Inner Life. When you are in tune with your Inner Life, life flows easily and effortlessly. Meaning, life will sort itself out including those who do not truly appreciate your loving kindness and only feel as if you owe them something.
If true and lasting happiness is what you seek, seek first from within. Live, breathe and be your Inner Life. Quiet your mind, focus solely on the present moment, and allow the power of your Inner Life guide you to where you want to be……
Love & Light,
Cynthia K Ortiz, Inner Life Guidance Coach