Put It In the Jar

59About 4 years ago I was helping a 5-year-old boy who was living a difficult life.  Not only was he was learning the negative beliefs and behaviors of his parents who were both addicts and verbally abusive, but he was living with a lot of anger.

During a short period of time I became his friend, confidant, parent, punching bag, companion and teacher.  We went through many painful times together but we also had some very joyful times.

I remembered something he and I did that helped to relieve his anger and the things that bothered him.  It started with an art class.  He and I would do one form of art on a weekly basis.  On this particular day he came over so we could decorate some jars together which we did.  After we were done we sat back and admired our work.  He then turned to me and asked what we were going to put in them.  Honestly, I had no clue.  So I asked him what he would like to put in them and after a few minutes he turned to me with a saddened face and said “bad stuff, I want to put bad stuff in them”.  I knew in my heart what he was talking about but I still asked a few questions. 

After some time we came up with the idea to write down on a piece of paper what was bothering us, so we did.  I of course had to help him with his but it still had the same effect.  When we were done, we folded it up and put it in our jar.  I told him that once it goes in the jar it can no longer hurt, anger or upset us.  He eagerly agreed. 

57I had no clue how any of this would turn out, but in the end the jar made a world of difference.  As much as it pained my heart to hear the “bad stuff” I knew it was helping.  He would come over distraught, emotional and crying, but after we wrote the bad stuff down and put it in the jar, he was relieved ~ just like that.  Not only could I see it in his face and body but I could also feel it in his energy.  His belief in the jar was one to be admired.  I soon began filling my jar and lo n’ behold it really did work!  Whatever I put in the jar, stayed in the jar.

All you have to do is grab a jar, bottle or box, keep a small note pad and pen beside it and whenever you find yourself stressed, worried or angry about something or at someone, jot it down and put it in the jar with the KNOWING that once it is in the jar it can no longer have an effect on you.  It is there if you want it, but for the time being just put it in the jar and forget about it.

Love & Light,

Cynthia K Ortiz, Inner Life Guidance Coach

Knowing Who You Are and Your Worth is Sometimes All You Need

98It is when we truly know who we are and know our worth that we can stand on our own.  We no longer need the people who cause us pain.  The hurtful words and actions of others go through us instead of knocking us down.  For me, they filter through my Inner Life and become purified into love.  Love toward the one who is still suffering. 

The one’s who suffer are the ones who hurt us the most.  They say they love us and yet at the same time they aim their spears at us.  Spears filled with THEIR inner pain masked as hurtful words and actions.  When the pain of the past begins to stir within them it is easier to avoid what they don’t want to feel so they search for an outlet – another way around the pain instead of just facing the truth – their truth.  It doesn’t matter what anyone else has done, said or is doing – it is not about another.  Your truth is about YOU and only you know what that truth is. 

If the suffering is understood, knowing someone’s hurtful ways come from their past pain, we can be patient because we understand.  We can try to help and guide this person away from what doesn’t matter toward what really does matter.  But just because we understand doesn’t mean we have to continue accepting their behavior toward us.  For some there comes a point when enough is enough; when you have tried to be there, to reach out, to love, to be honest and forgiving but to no avail.  It always seems just when you let your guard down, when you start to trust again, that spear comes flying out of the blue straight toward you.  However, when you are confident and know who you are and know your worth, the spear will no longer affect you like it once did.

Ending this type of relationship does not make it wrong or selfish.  It is a choice only you can make for yourself knowing what is best for YOU.  For me, I thought I needed someone and I thought I needed their approval, but I came to realize when the last hurtful words and blame were thrown at me I no longer wanted the unhealthiness of the relationship.  For once in my life I know who I am in the realm of the life I shared with this person.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I do not deserve to be blamed for this person’s unpleasant life experiences and/or unhappiness to whatever extent it may be.  I do not deserve to be the target of the pain they choose to live with.  The suffering will stop the moment they choose to live through their Inner Life because they will then feel what they have always been seeking…..pure, unconditional love of self and life.

04The paths we all walk in life are different; making them unique to who we are and I accept this whole-heartedly in everyone I meet. 

Love & Light,

Cindy Ortiz, Inner Life Guidance Coach 

* Please feel free to e-mail me at cindy@cindy-ortiz.com if you have any questions regarding today’s post, want to share your own experiences, or if you feel you need a little guidance in your life right now.  I will always respond within 24-hours PST.  With Much Love…..

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The Freedom of Forgiveness

08Forgiveness is not about the other person. Forgiveness is about freeing OURSELVES from the pain, anger, resentment and negativity we hold against someone else so WE can move forward.  I believe the reason it is so difficult to find forgiveness is because we believe saying “I forgive you” means the same as saying “what you did was okay”.  However, this is not the case.  Forgiveness is not about saying what was done was “OK”; it is about offering a deep understanding toward the other person.  If someone does something that necessitates forgiveness it is because their actions are coming from a place of pain, anger or discontent within themselves and has absolutely nothing at all to do with you.  It is NOT personal so do not take anything anyone does or says “against” you personally.

When you live without forgiving you are choosing to live in pain and in the past.  This will create the inability to move forward in your own life and in future relationships.  You will become afraid of opening up and of being hurt; building walls to keep out any possibility of being hurt again. What you do not realize is that you are only hurting yourself.  You think you are punishing the other person by holding a grudge toward them but you are only punishing yourself.

We have to remember that we do not know what is inside someone else. We don’t know what drives them to do “right” or “wrong”, to lie or not to lie, to cheat or not to cheat.  But what we do know is that we have a choice. We can offer our understanding, knowing it has nothing to do with us and move on or we can hold onto the pain, anger and resentment that we CHOOSE to feel.  No one is to blame for how we feel but ourselves, and yes, this is hard to do at times.  Even I have allowed the words and actions of someone else control how I felt and where did it take me?  It took me to a place I never want to go again. A place where emotion and pain run way too high for comfort.  So what did I do?  I remembered I had a choice; I can feel good or I can feel bad.  And then I offered forgiveness with a deep understanding and it was then that I was able to move on and oh what a “freeing” feeling it was!

48So ask yourself this ~ are you holding onto any pain, anger or resentment because of someone else, because you have not been unable to forgive them?  Do you love yourself enough to free yourself from those feelings?  Would you like to allow yourself the freedom of forgiveness?  Then I say this to you….yes you….just do it. Just let go and move on!  There is no need to figure it out, pick it apart, analyze what happen or blame yourself.  It was never about you anyways ~ you are perfect exactly as you are and so are they. Find forgiveness in your heart and allow yourself the peace of mind and well-being you deserve!

Love & Light,

Cindy Ortiz

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