Last year was by far the worst year of my life! I was in a total fog, not able to get in touch with myself. I knew I was here and yet I was gone. I couldn’t get a grasp of what was going on in and around me. I was in a downward tailspin desperately trying to hold on. I just kept sinking. I knew which way was up but I was afraid. I was afraid of expressing my grief and heartache because I didn’t want to feel it anymore than what I already was. I was afraid to express my unhappiness and disillusions. I was even afraid to reach out for help, support and guidance. I felt so alone. I even lost touch with my Inner Life and I lost my faith. I was no longer taking a fearless leap of faith toward true happiness but instead I was falling with fear, sadness, and anger. I was so angry at myself for allowing my feelings and emotions to get as far as they did.
When it got to the point where I had enough of feeling this way, a miracle occurred. I opened my eyes and allowed the truth. I was able to see everything so clearly that it actually made me physically sick and yet at the same time I was filled with an overwhelming amount of relief and sense of peace. I could actually breathe again. I took the next three months in stride, putting myself and my life back together, still swaying from time to time, but holding strong. I took back control and did what I had to do in order to live the life I want and feel the way I should feel. It didn’t have to be this way though. Not because I knew better, but because I am in control of how I feel no matter what the circumstances. I allowed too many things consume me and nearly eat me alive. Instead of expressing, I crumbled.
I can honestly say, it will never happen again. My happiness, my state of mind, and my well-being are the most important things to me, as it should be. If I am not good for myself, how am I supposed to be any good for anyone else. As much as I suffered through the year, I now embrace it with great love and understanding. It didn’t define me, but it did allow me to grow and to learn more about myself and others, some good, some not so good. I am finally back to feeling like Cindy again and oh what a joyful feeling that is! I sure did miss me!
If true and lasting happiness is what you seek, seek first from within. Live, breathe and be your Inner Life. Quiet your mind, focus solely on the present moment and allow the power of your Inner Life guide you to where you want to be. – Cindy Ortiz
Live, Love & Breathe Life
Love & Light,