Own it!

Someone recently said to me, very sternly I may add, as I was expressing feelings of guilt over a choice I made 9 years ago, “JUST OWN IT!”. She told me to own the fact that I not only did what was best for me, but I did what I had to do in order to save myself ~ end of story.  And just like that the guilt was gone.

I don’t know why it took so many years, but the moment I heard those words something inside of me changed.  I became free.  Not only from the guilt I had been holding onto, but also from disappointment, shame and regret playing faintly in the background of my life.  I couldn’t believe how easy it was ~ in an instant all those negative feelings were gone.  I was overwhelmed with relief and a sense of stillness I have not felt in quite some time.  

Although it was instantly clear, I didn’t realize I was holding onto a person who no longer existed.  Perhaps I just needed to grow into who I am today before I could let her go.  Perhaps I needed to come full circle with all of it, including myself.  Regardless, owning my choice gave me the power to let go of the guilt.  There was nothing left to fight.

Taking ownership of anything gives us control over it, which in turn gives us personal power.  When we hold onto negative feelings such as guilt, shame, disappointment or regret, we give them power because to some degree they control us.  They control how we feel and how we live our lives.  They can also leave us feeling powerless because we cannot go back and change what caused these feelings.   

Now, looking back, it was as though I was  “renting” those negative feelings because I continued to pay for them on one level or another.  I do believe, now that I can see the bigger picture, that NOT taking ownership of our choices and mistakes leaves us in limbo.  If you do not fully embrace and own the things you have said and done, how will you ever be able to let them go and move forward.   You will remain stuck in who you were instead of stepping into who you are becoming.

I Am Battle Worn

I have, over the last few weeks, gone back through my memory bank and taken ownership of all the things I’ve tried to bury.  And do you know what I have been left with?  I have been left with an undeniable feeling of peace and pureness.  This new “ownership process” has completely cleansed my mind, my heart, my spirit and my body.   I am more in tune with my Inner Life and I am living a more joyous life.  I have a lot to be proud of but I couldn’t see those things as much as I could see what I did “wrong”.  I have lived an amazing life even with all the chaos, challenges and struggles, but I am still smiling and shining brighter than I ever have!

Take some time my friends and think about your life.  Are you truly happy?  Are you living a joyous existence?  Are you happy with yourself inside and out?  Are you free and clear of the past or do you carry a bag full of regrets, mistakes, shame, guilt, disappointment?  Do you want to be free and feel proud of who you are and where you are?  Who cares how you came to be where you are ~ you are here now and you have the power to do, be and have everything you want!  So I say to you, OWN IT!  Make it yours!  Love yourself for it and let it go!  Be free my friends, be free!

If true and lasting happiness is what you seek, seek first from within. Live, breathe and be your Inner Life. Quiet your mind, focus solely on the present moment and allow the power of your Inner Life guide you to where you want to be. – Cindy Ortiz

Live, Love & Breathe Life

Love & Light,

Cindy

 

I Am Battle Worn

“I am half way gone, sleepless ~ I am battle worn.” – James Bay

What do you do when you are battle worn and feel as though you just cannot fight the fight anymore?  This is where I am (or was).  I have been battle worn on and off for the last year and a half in regards to a challenging situation.  I am exhausted of the inner psychological battle, of trying so hard, of living on the edge, of not knowing what is coming next, and yet knowing something will come.  Of being blind sided just when I feel like everything is going to work out.  I won’t hide the fact that I played a part in some of this on-going battle because I have.  I am only human and I do have my limits.  I can only take so much before it all comes to a head, and that it has.  However, on the positive side, and yes there is always a positive side, everything is now out in the open.  I know exactly where I stand and I know exactly what I need to do and how I need to do it.   

It all starts with letting go.  I have made the choice to surrender to my adversaries, even the one’s I created in my head.  And yes, there was a lot of stuff going on up in this head of mine.  None of which was good or healthy for that matter.  I have also withdrawn from the battle.  Through these choices with every precious breath I take, I have released the chaos, fear and worry this battle was creating in me.  I am now back in tune with my Inner Life!  

Not only am I completely filled with clarity, but my inner light is shining again!  I am going to be me and do the absolute best I can in every area of my life.  If that is not good enough, then so be it.  I don’t need to prove anything to anyone nor do I need approval from anyone but myself.  I also don’t need to change who I am or bend over backwards because I fear the upheaval someone could create in my life because of their insecurities and fears.

I am the one who is in control of my life, of how I feel, and how I react to every life situation and challenge.  I’ve allowed the negativity and drama of others affect every area of my life.  This has given them power and they have held that power over my head.  It all stops now.  I am taking my power back with grace and gratitude.  Why gratitude you ask ~ although this has been a very trying life experience it has allowed me the opportunity to grow, both personally and professionally.  It has opened my eyes to so much I needed to see, and that includes the truth within myself.  You see, battles are not just about who is coming after you, but why we are going after one another.

I had forgotten how powerful and relieving surrender can be.  It was like popping a balloon.  All that pressure was instantly released and I could breathe again!  I also came to realize in one of many moments of clarity how much I had stopped living and enjoying life.  I am not proud of the part I played, but the battle is over and a new chapter in my life has begun.  There is still work to be done and it will take some time.  I will continue to fight, but with love, not fear.

If true and lasting happiness is what you seek, seek first from within. Live, breathe and be your Inner Life. Quiet your mind, focus solely on the present moment and allow the power of your Inner Life guide you to where you want to be. – Cindy Ortiz

Live, Love & Breathe Life

Love & Light,

Cindy 

It’s Good To Be Back

Last year was by far the worst year of my life!  I was in a total fog, not able to get in touch with myself.  I knew I was here and yet I was gone.  I couldn’t get a grasp of what was going on in and around me.  I was in a downward tailspin desperately trying to hold on.  I just kept sinking.  I knew which way was up but I was afraid.  I was afraid of expressing my grief and heartache because I didn’t want to feel it anymore than what I already was.  I was afraid to express my unhappiness and disillusions.  I was even afraid to reach out for help, support and guidance.  I felt so alone.  I even lost touch with my Inner Life and I lost my faith.  I was no longer taking a fearless leap of faith toward true happiness but instead I was falling with fear, sadness, and anger.  I was so angry at myself for allowing my feelings and emotions to get as far as they did.  

When it got to the point where I had enough of feeling this way, a miracle occurred.  I opened my eyes and allowed the truth.  I was able to see everything so clearly that it actually made me physically sick and yet at the same time I was filled with an overwhelming amount of relief and sense of peace.  I could actually breathe again. I took the next three months in stride, putting myself and my life back together, still swaying from time to time, but holding strong.  I took back control and did what I had to do in order to live the life I want and feel the way I should feel.  It didn’t have to be this way though.  Not because I knew better, but because I am in control of how I feel no matter what the circumstances.  I allowed too many things consume me and nearly eat me alive.  Instead of expressing, I crumbled.  

I can honestly say, it will never happen again.  My happiness, my state of mind, and my well-being are the most important things to me, as it should be.  If I am not good for myself, how am I supposed to be any good for anyone else.  As much as I suffered through the year, I now embrace it with great love and understanding.  It didn’t define me, but it did allow me to grow and to learn more about myself and others, some good, some not so good.  I am finally back to feeling like Cindy again and oh what a joyful feeling that is!  I sure did miss me! 

If true and lasting happiness is what you seek, seek first from within. Live, breathe and be your Inner Life. Quiet your mind, focus solely on the present moment and allow the power of your Inner Life guide you to where you want to be. – Cindy Ortiz

Live, Love & Breathe Life

Love & Light,

Cindy