I Am Battle Worn

“I am half way gone, sleepless ~ I am battle worn.” – James Bay

What do you do when you are battle worn and feel as though you just cannot fight the fight anymore?  This is where I am (or was).  I have been battle worn on and off for the last year and a half in regards to a challenging situation.  I am exhausted of the inner psychological battle, of trying so hard, of living on the edge, of not knowing what is coming next, and yet knowing something will come.  Of being blind sided just when I feel like everything is going to work out.  I won’t hide the fact that I played a part in some of this on-going battle because I have.  I am only human and I do have my limits.  I can only take so much before it all comes to a head, and that it has.  However, on the positive side, and yes there is always a positive side, everything is now out in the open.  I know exactly where I stand and I know exactly what I need to do and how I need to do it.   

It all starts with letting go.  I have made the choice to surrender to my adversaries, even the one’s I created in my head.  And yes, there was a lot of stuff going on up in this head of mine.  None of which was good or healthy for that matter.  I have also withdrawn from the battle.  Through these choices with every precious breath I take, I have released the chaos, fear and worry this battle was creating in me.  I am now back in tune with my Inner Life!  

Not only am I completely filled with clarity, but my inner light is shining again!  I am going to be me and do the absolute best I can in every area of my life.  If that is not good enough, then so be it.  I don’t need to prove anything to anyone nor do I need approval from anyone but myself.  I also don’t need to change who I am or bend over backwards because I fear the upheaval someone could create in my life because of their insecurities and fears.

I am the one who is in control of my life, of how I feel, and how I react to every life situation and challenge.  I’ve allowed the negativity and drama of others affect every area of my life.  This has given them power and they have held that power over my head.  It all stops now.  I am taking my power back with grace and gratitude.  Why gratitude you ask ~ although this has been a very trying life experience it has allowed me the opportunity to grow, both personally and professionally.  It has opened my eyes to so much I needed to see, and that includes the truth within myself.  You see, battles are not just about who is coming after you, but why we are going after one another.

I had forgotten how powerful and relieving surrender can be.  It was like popping a balloon.  All that pressure was instantly released and I could breathe again!  I also came to realize in one of many moments of clarity how much I had stopped living and enjoying life.  I am not proud of the part I played, but the battle is over and a new chapter in my life has begun.  There is still work to be done and it will take some time.  I will continue to fight, but with love, not fear.

If true and lasting happiness is what you seek, seek first from within. Live, breathe and be your Inner Life. Quiet your mind, focus solely on the present moment and allow the power of your Inner Life guide you to where you want to be. – Cindy Ortiz

Live, Love & Breathe Life

Love & Light,

Cindy 

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