Finding Great Understanding When A Loved One is Ill

08When someone we love gets sick it is a natural reaction to want to help to make them better, but sometimes we can’t make them better.  Sometimes we have to trust and rely upon their doctors to make the best decisions in the interest of healing our loved one. This can leave us feeling helpless to say the least as we stand by watching our loved one suffer.  Without actually being sick ourselves we can’t know what the other person is going through.  It is impossible.  Everyone is different and everyone handles their illnesses in a manner they feel is best for them.  They consult with the best doctors and choose the one with whom they feel the most comfortable.  As a friend, family member or partner, we have to respect this.  Just because we would do things differently doesn’t mean the other person should do it our way.  Yes, I truly believe all options should be considered especially when dealing with our health and in certain circumstances, 2nd and 3rd opinions should not be overlooked.

There needs to be understanding; an understanding that many of us do not think about.  The only person who truly knows your body is you.  The only person who should make a decision regarding your body is you.  If we try to force our own “methods” or doctors upon someone else and they go along with it for the sake of avoiding arguments or disagreements how can the process of healing be positive? We may be happy because our loved one is doing what we want them to do, but shouldn’t they be the one who is happy?  Shouldn’t they be the one who is showered with love, compassion, understanding and support during this difficult and life changing experience? Shouldn’t we trust and respect what our loved one feels is best for them given the fact that only they know their body better than anyone else?  I know it can be frustrating when we can’t help, but we are not the ones responsible for someone else’s healing.  It is up to the person who is “sick” to heal themselves through whatever means they choose.  Some may choose not to do anything at all and others will go over and above.

09This is where great understanding comes in.  Just as they don’t know what you are going through, you don’t know what they are going through. You don’t know what they are truly feeling deep inside and they don’t know what you are truly feeling deep inside unless you talk about it.  Communication is the key to any relationship, especially during difficult times, but it is not about trying to get someone to do what you would do; it is about talking things through openly, lovingly and with great understanding. Finding “acceptance” not only in the illness but also in the choices that are being made will bring both of you peace.  If you fight against either or it will only create more dis-ease, not only in the person who is ill but also in yourself. 

The best thing you can do is to trust all is well, let go of trying to control something that is out of your control, offer your loving support whether you agree or not, and hold your loved one in the highest “light” possible.  Don’t think of them as being sick, think of them as the radiant, healthy, loving human being they are!  Not only will this help them to heal, but it will also help you to heal.

Love & Light,

Cindy Ortiz

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